I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
