walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
