if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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