I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
