I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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