I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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