Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
