When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
