Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
