Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
