I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
