my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
