I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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