And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
