I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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