Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize