So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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