I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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