So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Randomize
