Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
