i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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