Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
