I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
