Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
