I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
