The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
