There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
