omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
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