Me too!
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
And the cops told us we were all naked.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
