Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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