some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
