can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
