I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
