I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Randomize
