is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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