it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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