Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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