All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
