Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
