Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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