is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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