The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize