Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
