Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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