Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
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