The maid of honor just puked.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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