Just took my morning after pill in the library
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
