ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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