Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize