pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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