God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
