Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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