That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
