I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
