she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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