Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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