Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
