Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
i think im in europe. pls send help
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize