To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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