I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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