So drunk its hurt
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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