I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
