she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
