I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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