I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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