You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
