wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
