The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
