My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
