It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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