I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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