I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
