Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
