smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
