HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize