hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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