the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
