he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
