My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
