I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
