i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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