Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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