I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
