You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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