Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
