Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
