they need to just BURY HIM!
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
