C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
My balls are so social today.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
