i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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