Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize
