i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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