Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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