and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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