Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Did you just see the Batmobile???
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
