how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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