Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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