So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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