Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
