is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
