just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize