That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
