but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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