So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
