why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Is that strawberry winking at me??
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
