STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
