halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
